WHY did I create this blog? To make a difference. To inspire. To reach one person, who, at some point, has felt that they are alone in thinking that their whole life is an uphill battle. To share my story as a testament. No matter what you have been through, you CAN change the direction of your life.
HOW I ARRIVED HERE
I AM no different than any of you. Many of us are stuck in: repeated life experiences, want, unhappiness, ‘bad luck’, desire, un-fulfillment, negative self-talk, low self-esteem…the list is never-ending. This is where we are. Not having enough, or any, of the things we want (financially, emotionally, romantically, etc.) But why?
It’s a two word answer: Our Thoughts.
Seems too simplistic doesn’t it?? I thought so too. I thought I had my shit together. I used the power of positive thoughts, looked at the bright side of things and always did what I thought was right, hoping those would be instrumental in changing where I was in my life. I believed that thinking this way and visualizing the things I wanted would manifest them. When this didn’t happen, old school Jacquie thoughts would creep up “maybe I don’t deserve them”, “someone else must need it more than me”, “things will never change”. So I remained stuck, plugging away, HOPING things would just about-face. Truth is, I could visualize until the cows came home, but if I didn’t believe I was worthy or entitled to my desires then nothing was going to change.
This is where the past plays its role. As a Life Coach, we focus on the present and moving forward. That doesn’t mean what happened 5, 10 or 40 years ago doesn’t impact the present and create a false reality. We have to acknowledge, accept, and let go of past experiences that don’t serve us in a positive way and change our thoughts to begin to move forward.
So you’re probably thinking, “<insert sarcasm> OK Jacq, how can just my thoughts control what is happening in my life?” Trust me, I thought the same thing. Let me tell you a story.
I AM smart, funny, quick to smile, kind, loving and lovable, helpful, positive, caring and have incredible work ethic. My whole life though, I’ve never felt like I was good enough. I chose to be an underachiever in high school (it didn’t matter how smart I was, I would never be smart enough), didn’t try new things (if I wasn’t as good as someone else I would look ‘stupid’), lost interest in things I had curiosities about (people might think I am weird), kept to myself outside of school (didn’t feel ‘cool’ enough), copied styles and behaviors of other people (if I’m like them, I’ll be accepted)…you get the gist. This carried on into my adult life, where two unsuccessful marriages left me thinking “why am I not good enough/what is wrong with me?” Of course, there are a lot of factors at play with the marriages. In the end, my role in the breakdown of those marriages was that I was always looking for validation outside of myself, in places I was NEVER going to find it (more on how these added to my false self-beliefs in a future blog)
Where did all those negative beliefs come from?!?
Here is where it began. Elementary school. I would come home with an A on a test and be asked “why didn’t you get an A+?” If I offered an opinion that someone didn’t agree with, I was “a big dummy”. If I put weigh on, “pork chops” is what I was called and if I lost weight I “looked sick”. I lived in the shadows of a talented brother. Forget about developing my own style (or more like Cindy Lauper’s). When I did, I was told it wasn’t how normal people ‘dressed’. When after 6 piano lessons (or any of the dozens of things I was enrolled in), I didn’t enjoy it and wanted to stop, I was called a ‘quitter’. It seemed that no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough or didn’t reach someone’s expectations. That was how I was raised, as a young child, and even into my 40’s. I’m not looking for sympathy or playing ‘poor me’. I am simply stating facts. (NOTE: I love my parents very much and have gone through the process of understanding that they did the best they could, given the tools they were supplied when they were growing up, and that their intentions were to inspire me. I know they love me.)
So…What does all this boil down to? It boils down to the fact that I ended up believing all of those things about myself. I took them as the truth. That is why I was stuck. I didn’t feel like I deserved or was capable of any successes, in any area of my life. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I felt like I deserved good things because I was a good human, but my thoughts, the voice in my head that repeated “you’re not good enough” kept me from truly accepting that I was, and am, worthy and capable of great things.
The reality is, THOSE ARE NOT MY TRUTHS! They are the OPINIONS of someone else! They are NOT my opinions of me. The voice I heard is someone else’s values and opinions of themselves, projected onto me, then confused by me as how I see myself! It was this reality that was my BEGINNING OF FORWARD. Who am I? What do I want? That was the first step in changing my thought pattern.
It has been a long process. It is not easy to let go of what you have believed as truth for over 40 years. And if I’m honest, those false beliefs still creep up daily, but now I catch myself and affirm that I AM enough and open to receiving and accepting all the good and wonderful things life has to offer. It is not an easy feat to accomplish. I had to make the commitment to accept and release that those beliefs were not mine, focus on repeating hundreds of times each day that I AM strong, able, valuable, committed and deserving of an abundance of the things I want that add happiness and joy to my life.
Where exactly is the HERE that I have arrived at you ask?
Today, HERE is believing, without fail, all the positive qualities I listed about myself earlier. Today, HERE is knowing that I control my thoughts. Today, HERE is constantly affirming MY TRUTHS. Today, HERE is knowing I am worthy of love, success and abundance. Today, HERE is taking on new adventures with confidence. Today, HERE is knowing I have value. Today, HERE is knowing I have a positive impact in people’s lives. Today, HERE is happiness!
Making a short visit to the past and CHANGING MY THOUGHTS has been the most powerful tool I have used to move forward in my life. A single blog post cannot explain the lengthy journey it has taken me to get HERE, nor can it share the plethora of experiences, both positive and negative, that I have encountered along the way. My hope is that you come back to visit and find even just one thing to take away that has a positive impact on your life.
I AM enough.
HERE is just the beginning…
-Jacquie-
the willow room 